T I N G Z: Insecurities // Should friends be ranked?

Hey ;)

This question has been in my mind for quite a while now, and really, should we rank our friends?

OK LA I ADMIT OK I was really hesitant about posting this cause I'll cfm get judged but wtv it's all in the past and like this was partly a drafted post which stayed as a draft for A HECK LONG HAHA.

It can be just for fun/as a joke, which I really don't mind at all, but you'll never know who minds it, or even take it seriously. I've already been through being insecure about myself, feeling like I'm not very close to anyone, maybe like friends on the surface but not truly as friends close to my heart.(ok v confusing but it's true) It haunted me for years, and I was desperately trying to be accepted in any group that I truly feel close to. But maybe cause it was a desperate AND futile attempt, I found it hard to keep up with my personality, to try and fit in with the groups I've been hanging out with.

Soon I realised that I wasn't being sincere anymore, to anyone and myself, and I hated myself for that. And I wasn't even being who I truly am. But after listening to HTHTs and understanding more about people, I realized that even the best people have their problems. It's just that they don't show it. And I wouldn't have known if they didn't tell me, no matter how observant I am???

Which is why everything is just in our minds. Learning to be comfortable in my own skin, and being myself felt so relieving. Any insecurity I feel, as long as I believe that I am not insecure, helped me through everything, making me really really open about myself and telling people how I truly feel. Ok la, maybe I can get a bit bitchy when ranting about stuff but at least I will tell the person I'm ranting about that I'm bitching about them. Which is really quite funny but it makes you true. There'll definitely be times when you will be angry with your friends, even your closest friends, but that's what makes your friendship even stronger ;)

You can be jealous of your friends, but ultimately, we are all different and they may be jealous of you too, but it makes you a stronger individual. People can judge me and I can also judge people, but in the end we will just forget about it a few years down the road and look back and laugh at all the stupid things we've done. Oh anyway I am no saint so I can be mean but everyone knows that so 💁

I'm so glad I've been through that stage even though it was a conscious effort. When people know me they have a choice whether they want to be close to me, and I won't have to handle that much fake friendship ;) And I really treasure all the friends I've made throughout my life for making me who I am and guiding me along <3 and doing all the stupid shit which I feel so so so comfortable in.

So no, I will never ever rank my friends. You all are equally important, so even if I've been asked to rank my friends, my ans would never be definite ;)))